It was late 1999 when I first realised I was losing it.

A group of young people had made a pilgrimage to the Planetshakers conference over east and came back breathing fire. They were going to take the world… I remember a prayer meeting they held the night after they returned. I went to it somewhat awkwardly because I hadn’t gone to Planetshakers and I knew I wouldn’t be able to share their experience. After some group prayer they called me out for prayer as their leader and told me that whatever my vision was they were right behind it. They would support me 100% in whatever I chose to do and wherever I chose to lead.

That was very scary, partly due to the level of unquestioning devotion they displayed, but also because I actually had no vision. I was losing interest and losing passion for the youth scene. I couldn’t say that though, could I?… I thanked them for their prayers and wondered where it was all headed. Something was up…

In a world where vision was everything I didn’t have one. And I didn’t know how to ‘get one’. I felt like something of a fraud because now I needed to lead people and inspire them to keep going somewhere, but I didn’t know where.

That was the same year I was part of the team organising the Youth Together, a big citywide worship event. I found that a tough team to be on as I was the guy from the smallest church and somehow, while a few of the guys treated me well, (hello Bergs) I also felt the dis-interest of some of the big church players. I didn’t like being a pleb and whether it was me or them I dunno, but that’s what I felt. I was the ‘little guy’ and I didn’t like it much. (Which incidentally has shaped a lot of how I respond to so called ‘little guys’ these days.)

I remember the night of the event. After 12 months of planning and lots of $$$ I was reluctantly walking out the door and said to Danelle ‘do you reckon I should take a folding chair?…’ That was the first clue my own time in youth ministry was coming to an end!

When I got there I was offered the special front row seat and all the crap that goes with those kind of conferences. Outwardly I politely refused, but inwardly I vomited, and then spent the evening sitting right at the back of the venue chatting with Grant the youth pastor from the Forrestfield church. Neither of us really wanted to be there. As I drove home that night I was aware again that my heart was shifting.

Meanwhile back at the ranch…

That shift was showing up in the youth scene. We had systems in place, so the machine would grind on, but the heart was seeping out of it. As well as tensions in the youth leadership there were struggles in the church leadership as a whole. For a two year period from 1997-1998 we seemed to be in the perfect church, the perfect youth ladership team and the perfect pastoral team. It really felt like that. None of us were ever

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moving on. I always said that if I ever left LBC it would be to plant a church because there was simply no-where else that could come close to that community.

Somehow that seemingly perfect community came unstuck…

I didn’t realise how much it would shift a relationship when a person moved from volunteer worker to paid staff member. In appointing 3 part time youth staff there was now an accountability factor based on $$$$ that morphed our friendships somewhat. When a volunteer does a job you are often thankful for anything you get. When a staff member is employed to do a job you expect quality work – and I tend to have high expectations. So it wasn’t acceptable to cruise any more. We were doing an important job and it needed to be done well. (I still believe if you want to work in that expression of church and get paid $$ then that’s the deal.) But not everyone performed at a high standard consistently and it led to tension.

I have intentionally not singled people out any key players in our youth scene as there were many and I would hate to neglect anyone. But I will mention Debbie (not her real name) here because without her I don’t think we would have ever got to this point. While we were friends, we never became really close in that sense. The relationship was more like one I have had in the past as a coach with athletes who have been outstanding performers. There is a comaraderie that comes from the adventure we have been on together (at Forge we would call it ‘communitas’) and we definitely had that. We went thru good and bad together and formed a mutual respect and bond that was very special and valuable.

Debbie was one of the originals, one of the dis-enchanted crew who were there when we arrived, an amazingly gifted singer and a very creative thinker. I would regularly sit in meetings with her and as she would share ideas I would swallow hard and say ‘yes…’ all the time thinking ‘this is madness…’

In developing the evening service Debbie became the key leader, the point guard who ‘made things happen’. At 19 years old she carried a fair bit of responsibility and for the most part she managed it very well. However in getting the job done she sometimes walked over a few people, sometimes told people they weren’t up to scratch and sometimes found herself quite wounded from parents and young people who got mad at her because of that.

She was surprisingly resilient, regularly taking hits that would have floored people twice her age but occasionally it would all get to her and we’d spend time mopping up. Most people never saw the side of her that got wounded, but I saw it regularly and felt for her. They only ever saw her as the tough-nut worship leader who sought excellence and didn’t like incompetence.

Debbie was also the kind of person who needed to be told things bluntly if she were to really hear them. Hinting didn’t work. I liked that about her because I don’t like dancing around issues either. I remember well that song with the words ‘the windows of heaven are opening’ that repeats several times in the chorus. It was a song she used often and I think we repeated it so many times one night – 15 times? 20 times? I was about to stand up and yell ‘I think the windows are open now! Can we please sing another song!?’ Needless to say we ‘talked’ about that on Monday.

One of my fondest memories of Debbie’s audacity was on a summer’s evening when we were having an outdoors baptism. We wandered around the front of the church wondering where we would put the stage. It wasn’t an area well set up for outdoor gigs. As we surveyed the place Debbie looked up… ‘What about the roof?…’

‘The what?…’ I said.

We all laughed but she was deadly serious. ‘Yeah! Its perfect for a stage! I’ll go up and have a look.’ So Debbie climbed onto the flat roof of the church offices and jumped up and down to show us how strong it was.

Who could argue with that?

And so it was decided after much discussion (ok – maybe 30 seconds) that it was a wild idea and one we ought to pursue if only for that reason alone! So the musos, sound guys and singers all carted their gear up onto the roof and began to rehearse. The looks from passing motorists were worth the effort alone. It was another one of those crazy ‘Debbie’ ideas that leaves a fond memory and brings a smirk every time I think of it. Of course ‘PR’ who worked for Occupational Health and Safety at the time couldn’t come to church that night because what we were doing broke every rule in the book!

Debbie walked the whole journey from floundering Sunday night service to rockin party mode to this new stage where she was now an employee of this beast we had created. I not only admired her ability to pull stuff together. I admired her willingness to learn and to grow as a disciple. She

was going thru her own life struggles that she would share with me and when I called her to make a choice as to who she was going to follow – as to what she was going to give her life to – she always made the tough choices.

Debbie – if you ever read this then you know who you are, and maybe you too look back on this time with some questions or some disappointment. But they were great times too weren’t they?! Thanks for the support you always gave me and for your bold leadership that at times landed you in trouble and at times left you beaten up and wondering why people could be so nasty. As I look back I remember you as one my all time favourite people!

Its a shame that year was one of our toughest… but more about that later

(And well spotted Deano for noticing that the last post was numbered part IIII instead of part IV I guess i would have discovered eventually… maybe at Part IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII….!)

As 1998 went on we began to realise that for some reason we were on a roll…

The 70 or 80 Sunday night regulars at the start of the year grew to 130 by December and we had a vibe on Sunday nights that I had never experienced in church before. It was a high energy, vibrant space and the word was getting around both the local school (and other churches) that it was the place to be.

The crew who co-ordinated Sunday nights were doing an excellent job. The music was loud and raw and the atmosphere was such that if you stuffed things it up it didn’t matter a whole heap. Around this time I discovered I had a gift in script writing and we began to add dramas to our services. The young people loved them and I would often write a series of scripts so they would have to come back next week to find out ‘what happens next’.

It was the year Tabor college began their Year in the Son program and we supplied all 3 students! We started an internship program and these guys slotted into that. Suddenly this messy, chaotic youth ministry that began with a ‘let’s have a go’ attitude was exploding and we had to think about how to manage it. It was a new stage of growth.

Jeff & Mark Russell arrived in late May and hit the ground running. Mark’s flight got in at 11.00pm and after we got home I spent until 1.00am briefing him on what he was to do while in Perth. The following day he rolled up to our first all night prayer meeting – literally – all night – and one of the most memorable parts of our time at LBC. The following day we welcomed Mark & Jeff, I preached an evangelistic message and around 20 young people responded. We’d seen people respond before but there was definitely some new energy around this time.

It was incredibly exciting to be right in the thick of it. I remember Mark preaching a sermon during his stay that was entitled ‘For a time such as this’, a message that captured the mood of this wild period. He and Jeff had been sent to this church for a special time. These guys stayed and did some great work following up young people, developing new inititaives and helping some of our new Christians find their feet.

Occasionally I would feel God leading me to preach evangelistically and almost without fail a few new faces would be added to the kingdom. We baptised around 30 young people that year regularly holding baptismal parties in the church building complete with party poppers, streamers and loud raucous mates in attendance. On baptism nights it wasn’t uncommon to pack over 200 people into the building with a grand final type atmosphere pretty normal.

Around the local high school young people were sharing their faith and holding prayer meetings. These guys were going at it with all the passion and idealism of youth and it was making an impact!

As the numbers grew there was of course a need for structure and organisation to care for the new Christians. We somehow generated 30 small groups that year using anyone who was willing to lead and most young people slotted into those groups.

Other activities began to emerge. Adventure camps, misson trips and boxercise were among them. Suddenly we were more than a bunch of young people having a party. We had to become organised and efficient and we had to start putting processes in place to make sure we would keep things going. We established a ‘dream team’ of all the ‘ideas people’ who met regularly to imagine what the future could hold.

By the end of 1998 the growth was still going and we were wondering ‘where to next’? People often asked me ‘where do you think this is all headed?’ and I would tell them ‘I don’t know… I am making it up as I go. I just know that we are doing what we set out to do and there seems to be some sense of God at work that I have never encountered before’. I was going with the flow and hoping for the best!

On one level it was an amazing time as we tried to keep pace with this youth ministry that seemed to have a life of its own. However in that period of my life I was a highly driven workaholic, a trait that resulted in several conversations with Danelle essentially along the lines of ‘slow down or kiss me goodbye’. I didn’t hear her the first 3 times, but by the fourth she made it clear that if I wanted to be married to ministry then she wasn’t sticking around.

I didn’t really know how to slow down, but I did the best I could. I knew she was deadly serious and it scared me. I was out of control with work. It was the place I was getting heaps of kudos so I didn’t want to let that go. We seemed to get thru it, but I don’t remember how.

As 1999 started Jeff Russell returned for another 6 month stint and then later that year we added 3 youth staff to our team to help cope with the workload. As well as the 3 part timers we had 5 or 6 interns and a whole bunch of volunteers.

Over the first half of 1999 the evening services continued to expand and in June of that year we decided to divide the Sunday night gig in two and run a young adults service at 5.00pm and a high schoolers service at 7.30pm. The young adults was a little more laid back and the high school was a punk/grunge style of music. The high schoolers were led by a band of dedicated young guys who were great musos but who somehow seemed to lose the volume control on their amps! We told them we wanted it loud, and they obviously heard us because it was deafening. We had balloons bursting from the noise, neighbours complaining and even high schoolers walking out because they couldn’t handle it.

We had figured that if one service could handle 250 people then dividing it in two would allow for 500 young people. At our current rate of growth we were going to need the space so the two service option seemed the only way to go.

We ran those two services for 6 months before as a youth staff we stopped, looked at each other and said ‘enough!’ In making the shift we lost the vibe of the big gig and subsequently lost many of those who loved the party atmosphere. One service was casual and laid back while the other was like a rock concert on steroids. The middle ground that had been our bread and butter was no more and people didn’t know where they belonged.

One of the top values we functioned with as a youth ministry was that of taking risks. ‘If you’re not making any mistakes its probably because you’re not trying anything new’ was one of my favourite sayings, but risks didn’t always pay off. We knew this was a risk and we were happy to take it, but we paid dearly for it.

As the year ended we pulled the crew back together, but something had changed. The energy that the group had propelling it along had diminished. Some of the new Christians had ‘changed their minds’ and there was tension between some of us in leadership that added to the confused and awkward dynamic.

We had a solid core of young people, but we knew something was different. We had come to expect growth as normal and we weren’t ready for things to take a downward curve. It was disorienting and disturbing.

What were we doing wrong?

What could we do to re-ignite the energy we had?

As I look back now I can see that for a short window of time we were blessed with an incredible experience of God at work. It was one of those rare ‘spontaneous combustion seasons’ where the Holy Spirit seemed to be at work in that hills community and I’m not sure we could have stopped him if we had wanted to.

But when the music stopped and the energy dipped we felt it. We longed for those times to return, but they never did quite like that.

The next two years were a different phase again…

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I never wanted to go to the hills.

I always told people that God could call me anywhere he liked so long as it was within a 3 km distance from the ocean!

So when a phone call came from the Lesmurdie Baptist church I laughed. ‘As if! As if I would go and live in the eastern hills so far from the surf…’

Danelle didn’t laugh.

At that time we were in the middle of infertility dramas and she was mad at God – she wasn’t even sure if she was going to keep going in her faith. But she showed interest in this absurd offer and funnily enough she convinced me to take it seriously.

We met the pastoral team at the Baptist Pastor’s conference in June 1995 and felt a real synergy. Danelle had a dramatic encounter with God at that time that also blew her back towards him. We felt this was right… God knows why… But we signed off after 14 years in Scarborough, sold the house we had built 11 months previously (because we thought we were there for the long term…) and moved to Lesmurdie Baptist Church.

In July of 1995 the young people had been on a camp where a large number (8 or 9) made significant recommitments to follow Jesus. I was asked to come immediately so that the momentum of those decisions wasn’t ‘lost’. I didn’t come. I needed a rest. And funnily enough by the time I got there the ‘camp decisions’ were little more than fond memories and many of those young people were in a very different place.

When we arrived in Jan 1996 we were welcomed by everyone, young and old and I could sense that this was going to be a happy place to bed down. I also sensed that to some I was the ‘messiah’.

The first year was horrible.

I still remember the first few Sunday’s standing up to preach on a Sunday night and watching a bunch of young people walk out and stand in the foyer to chat. I asked one of the other pastors what the deal was. ‘Oh they always do that…’

What the?…

That lasted a month before I had to say something. I am a very patient man… No one had ever called these guys on their rudeness so it was my first run in with them. At after church supper one night I suggested it might be a tad rude to leave while someone was speaking and asked them to cut it out. They didn’t like it… They let me know by their silence and sullenness. But they were nice enough to do as I asked.

We spent that year running a youth group and propping up a tired evening service, while I also got around and visited every family in the youth scene. I closed down a young adults home group because I believed they should have integrated with other adults – a decision that was not smart in retrospect and we started to get an idea of who our key leaders would be.

Our fortnightly leaders training meeting was probably the best part of the whole year as we got to know Graeme and Sharon Mason well, a couple who have since become two of our closest friends. Other leaders came and went and we even got so desperate as to call for volunteers from the pulpit. Note: never do this. Never ever do this! You always get the people who should never be in youth ministry.

As the year drew to an end we had got to know the young people, but even as a an optimist I found it hard to see where it was all headed. By and large the commitment level was low and the self centredness level was high.

We had been using the YMA strategy process and applying it to our youth scene and while there wasn’t much to get excited about we did have a plan and it did make some sense.

At the start of 1997 Graeme joined our staff one day a week and we went to the WCA conference in Sydney. It was one of the most transformative experiences of my life. As I listened to Bill Hybels I developed hope that church could be more than what it was at present. I began to dream of a bunch of young people more alive than I had ever seen before and for some reason I believed that it could happen. I was inspired and I was ready to do some inspiring.

I came back with a dream of re-vamping our Sunday night gig to make it a dedicated youth service. As I shared it with a few key people it seemed to strike a chord and so we set about shifting gears and (as best we knew how) turning it into a youth space. We invited all the older people to stay home and pray for us. That ruffled a few feathers, but within a 3 or 4 months it was a crew of 30 or 40 young people trying hard to figure out what the heck this thing was supposed to be.

Our early evenings still make us laugh!

But it was the genesis of something. Young people owned it. Young people drove it and it began to gain a little impetus – not much – but a little…

We knew we had started something

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but we weren’t sure quite what.

Around the middle of that second year, just as we were throwing all of our energy into generating some momentum I was called by two other churches and asked if I would like to consider joining their staff. One was our biggest Baptist church in Perth and the caller was a guy who had been my mentor asking if I would like to join him and work alongside him with a view to taking over when he moved on. Wow… I have to say it was tempting. Another was a large Baptist church in Queensland who somehow got my name.

But somehow we just knew it was wrong to pursue those options. There was absolutely no sense of God leading us and while nothing had sparked yet at LBC we knew this was where we needed to keep working. We had started building teams and started to see some excitement in the young people about what could be. We had seen some shift from self centredness to service and I began to discover that I could lead and share ‘vision’ well. The young people were buying what I was saying and they were believing in what was happening.

As the year wore on a few more people came to join us. One or two young people became Christians and the following year I pulled out of theological study to go full time with the church. We had some tough talks with some of our leaders who were walking both sides of the fence and who needed to decide who they were going to serve.

Some young people left. Some re-newed their faith. Some parents got angry that their kids left and began a cold war with me. I drew some lines in the sand and to this day I am glad that I did.

I still remember an 18 year old guy listening to me asking what the heck they were doing here on a Sunday if they weren’t interested in following Jesus. He realised that night he didn’t know and walked out of the service never to return. I admired his honesty and while I don’t see him now, we did stay in touch and I get the sense that one day he will find his way again. He was much more up front than many others and I missed him.

As 1998 began we had gained some momentum. The PMS team (PM services) were an amazing group of creative young people who were up for trying anything. In fact I often found myself listening to their ideas, swallowing hard and saying ‘ok let’s do it’ all the while thinking ‘This is crazy!’

We began to experiment with different forms of church. Honestly it was nothing very radical, but the fact that it was ‘by youth and for youth’ made all the difference. I led but let them do almost anything they wanted. Knowing they genuinely owned it was a key in getting their ‘buy in’.

By the middle of the year it was as if one night we looked around and there were 70 or 80 young people regularly attending Sunday services. We had developed two youth groups with enough leaders for each group and the ‘plan’ seemed to be working.

At the same time we were struggling in some key relationships as friends and co-leaders suffered depression and found the going tough. We bore the the brunt of their struggle and it soured what was otherwise looking promising. Our two closest friends, Graeme and Sharon were going thru some difficult times and we just couldn’t seem to connect.

In May of that year a couple of US students arrived to give us a hand for 10 weeks. It was their vacation and they came to Perth as Southern Baptist Missionaries to give their holidays to helping us in youth ministry. We were a little skeptical as the last SBC missionary we had left half way thru his term when we discovered he was doing mission by day and visiting brothels at night.

But the Russell brothers (Mark & Jeff) were a different story. As these guys landed the youth scene had started to gain steam and two of the most dynamic energetic and passionate blokes I have ever met came to lend a hand.

The planets seemed to line up and suddenly things went nuts…