I just checked and its been 2 weeks since I last posted anything on here. As someone who used to post twice a day I’m slowly getting used to a different frequency and the blog occupying a different space in my life. Its been a challenge at times, because when you have written frequently to do it infrequently can feel like it is a little pointless, or a failing even.

But… I write because I love to write. I write because I enjoy the interaction of ideas and the debate that takes place, even if lately I haven’t written so much. I write for posterity – one day I might want to come back to my ramblings and my handwriting is so lousy that journalling is a bit of a non-event for me now.

I don’t think ‘blogging’ itself has gone off the boil, but maybe it has changed in its focus/emphasis. These days I often do a ‘facebook share’ of something I previously would have blogged. Its easier than logging in, writing a post and all that goes with it, so maybe blogging is becoming a place reserved moreso for original thoughts.

But lately I haven’t had quite so many of those either. I often blog on Saturday mornings because that is when I am most relaxed and have space, but during the week my headspace rarely allows me to come up with original thoughts let alone get them ‘on paper’.

I have written before about the challenges facing those of us who work regular jobs part time and lead churches part time. Its not just the time available for reflection that decreases, but because of the heavy physical nature of the work I do the tiredness means my brain functions differently. I simply am too weary most nights to think about anything seriously and deeply. Its not that I don’t want to, but it takes more effort than I can muster.

I don’t say that apologetically either. I think its been a fantastic insight into the lives of people who are not in paid church leadership (I still hesitate to use the word ‘pastor’ for my role, because it is such a poor description of who I am). Those of us who lead must learn not to expect the same level of engagement from those who work in regular jobs, but we must also learn to expect an appropriate amount of involvement. This week I worked an unusually hard and long 12 hour day on Wednesday and had scheduled a blokes night out for that evening. I got in at 6.00, showered and left again at 6.20, but I may as well have not been there as I was virtually on life support. It didn’t help that our local tavern took almost 60 minutes to serve a meal! I realise for some people a 6.00pm finish is normal. Ech…

I’m also aware that I am seeing my identity less as that of a paid church leader / paid minister and more as a missionary who expresses his calling in a variety of ways. Right now if you asked me if I was a business owner or a ‘pastor’ I’d have to say ‘yes’. I get similar amounts of joy and pain from both paid roles, but I don’t see one as defining me more than the other. That is different to where I was several years back when life revolved around Christian service and anything else was a means to that end.

What I find interesting is that I could conceivably run my business full time now, but I find it hard to imagine going back to 5/6 days a week of church work. There are various reasons for that, but one is that I really think many ‘pastors’ lose touch with the reality of people’s lives after a good slab of time in the role and I don’t want to be there again. I also love the involvement in community that my business gives me – and the fact that it pays well.

So, in case you were wondering, the blog hasn’t died. But neither does it hold such a prominent place in my life at the moment. You will still read the occasional rant, you will still find the occasional piece of sheer naughtiness and I hope the fleeting glimpse of original thinking that may even stir your own thoughts.

For now I’m content to let it lob along at a leisurely pace.