Its the first day in a while I have got home from work early. I didn’t plan it that way, but at 9am today after an hour of work I left the job I was working on and packed up.

For 3 weeks I have been working with and liasing with a client who has been difficult and rude. I copped the blame for some of his poor communication and I had him berate me over issues that weren’t my concern. I copped it, but each time felt the internal pressure valve go up a notch.

My bobcat guy was there yesterday and when I dropped in to see him, he was fairly cheesed off because he had been badly treated. He almost left, but decided to press on.

This morning after spending 20 minutes re-explaining how we would do things to the client – which was pointless because he didn’t understand retic – we began to dig trenches and get set up for the day. He came back to ‘raise a concern’…

He didn’t like the sprinklers we were using and wanted different ones… even though the system wouldn’t have worked with his plans… He didn’t want my lawn supplier either so we agreed to go with his… He didn’t like my bobcat operator… Can you see a pattern?

I explained why his plans wouldn’t work but he insisted we do it his way. At this point I told him that I felt the best thing was that we pack up and go home and leave him to find someone who would do it the way he wanted. We would refund the remainder of his deposit and call it quits.

He agreed.

He must have thought I was bluffing because as we started to pack up his mood shifted. Actually it shifted about 5 or 6 times in the 15 minutes it took us to get out of there. From agressive, to manipulative, to pleading, to demanding… to resignation… because we weren’t going back.

The tools were going back in the truck and the day was over as far as I was concerned. Since the very first phone call I had been feeling concerned about where this was all headed, but I’d pressed on because I don’t like to leave people hanging and in $$ terms it was a good job.

Not that good though.

As a ‘business decision’ I think it was a good one to call it quits at that point, because there was clearly more rocky road ahead and I could see it getting harder rather than easier. Some people are better not to work for.

So the day ended abruptly and Phil and I headed off for a coffee.

But… one of the things we have been reflecting on as a church community is how we become more like Christ and how that permeates all of life. How it impacts not just our ‘spiritual life’, but our whole life and last night I prayed to manage this situaiton well.

I think the reason I feel a bit ill right now is not because the job didn’t work out. I can handle a day off and some lost earnings, but I think Jesus would have handled this bloke differently. I wasn’t rude to him or aggressive, but once I hit ‘snap’ point, I wasn’t going to engage with him any more. I shut down, packed up and left.

What would Jesus have done?

Perhaps he would have taken time to hear some of his story. Perhaps he would have tried to better understand why he was being demanding and difficult. Perhaps he would have disarmed him with kindness, told him a story or two, made him laugh…

I think he would have managed him just a bit better than I did.

It seems there are some people in life who have an uncanny ability to push your buttons and this bloke somehow had a master’s degree in getting me fired up. So the day is over and there is some learning.

I still have a bloody long way to go to be like Jesus.

Facebook…

I don’t have super strong ‘love/hate’ feelings about it. I don’t care if you’re into it, or whether you think its a waste of time. (I am ambivalent about its value – it is a double edged sword.) But it is a phenomena that we need to contend with and it does bring a new dynamic to ‘friendship’, whatever that may mean.

Recently I was ‘unfriended’ by someone who lives in the same area. What does that mean when we see each other in the shops or at a party? Are we ‘friends’ still in real life, even if not in Facebook?

I dunno… Maybe I’ll just ‘poke’ him…

Then there’s the question of establishing parameters for who we ‘friend’ on Facebook. I had a cull recently and deleted about 90 ‘friends’, mostly people I had never met in real life but had found in the online world – people who read this blog or who are friends of friends… Some of them I had already ‘hidden’ but it seemed a little more honest to just delete them. I didn’t tell them…

Should I have?…

I was looking at the list again today and thinking to myself ‘I don’t have 800+ friends!’ I really don’t, but I do ‘know’ that many people and some of them I would like to stay in touch with at least from a distance.

I enjoyed hanging with Andrew Dowsett while he and the family were in Perth. We haven’t seen each other for 9 or 10 years but I’d consider Andrew a friend and someone I’d like to stay connect with. Then there are people who live nearby but who I don’t really know. Nor do I want to stay in contact… Should I hit delete?… ‘Unfriending’ sounds kinda rude… but maybe I don’t want to hear about their life and vice versa.

So what criteria do we use for connecting or ‘de-connecting’?

I have decided that ‘connections’ is a better word than ‘friends’ for the way I operate on Facebook. I do have some very close friends on there, but many are people I just like staying connected with – and with whom I wouldn’t stay in touch were it not for this medium. I think that’s a good thing. Old school students who aren’t friends but for whom I have affection, folks who were in the churches we have led, folks we have met when travelling… Some are ‘friends’, real friends who I’d like to see again and who I enjoy hearing from. Then there are others.

The people I avoid on Facebook are:

Friend Collectors – if a request comes in from someone I don’t know I check to see who our mutual friends are. Often its the ‘big name’ people in Christian world. Then I notice the person has 2453 friends… and I realise I am a number to be added to their collection. Unlikely…

Attention Seekers – those who post those cryptic messages signalling the end of their lives hoping someone will respond. I want to respond with ‘loser – grow up’. A bit harsh I know… but this one really irks me. I recall one ‘friend’ posting about being ‘totally devastated’ and I read the comments to find out what on earth had happened. She had put the colours in with the whites… Deleted.

Rampant narcissists and self promoters – Facebook really does lend itself to narcissism and I reckon we can all fall into this one, but then there are folks who just seem to flaunt who they are in a way that is utterly nauseating. Hard when its people you like… But I’m growing weary of hearing people talk themselves up and talk up who they are associated with. I love hearing what people are doing and I don’t begrudge anyone the opportunity to let us know what’s going on, but there is a ‘cringe’ line somewhere that gets crossed.

But ‘friends’ is a strange word. Its better than ‘followers’ ala Twitter, but maybe Google ‘circles’ is a little more like real life.

Anyway…

All this started when I was looking back over my ‘friend list’ and wondering where to start the cull. Maybe I’l just leave it for now because life is often not as simple as ‘friend / non-friend / ex-friend’ and that’s ok…

Last year was probably my least active year on the blog. Partly because there is less to discuss around the old familiar topics of church, mission and theology and partly because I have had less headspace to reflect and think.

But it was a good year in so many ways.

It was our first full year of living in Yanchep, a move I still reckon was our best ever. I love the vibe of our home, neighbourhood and community. I love the house we live in and the way it feels. I love the proximity to the ocean. I love the quietness of the suburb and the sense of remoteness that we have up here, a bit like a country town but with the city just down the road. I wish we’d come here 10 years ago, but maybe the timing wasn’t right then… Whatever the case we are glad to be here and the little bit of extra driving we now do is a small price to pay for living in paradise. I used to enjoy moving house every 5 years or so, but I don’t see us leaving here any time soon… if ever…

We didn’t travel a lot this year, but we did enjoy a few days retreat in Sydney at the start of the year and a month in the northwest around July. I always feel like the weeks away in the camper are our best re-charge times – so incredibly valuable. I’d like to be able to do two months each year -a month in summer and a month in winter – just need to organise it around schooling, work and the rest of life. I’d really like to hit Tassie this time next year but it would probably be a 6 week venture – a week over, a week back and then a month to tour around. I’m sure you could do it shorter, but not sure it would be so worth it…

Its been another great year with our church community and we feel very blessed to be able to lead such a fantastic bunch of people. Relationships have deepened, our identity as a community seems to be clearer and we feel like we’re on a healthy trajectory in many ways. Moving back into established church leadership was something we did with a fair degree of reticence initially, but after a couple of ugly and difficult years we’ve now enjoyed two healthy and positive years. I’ve often found that those moments when you’re just about to say ‘screw it’ and walk away are the ones you need to punch thru because something better is just around the corner. Much like our home, we don’t see ourselves moving from here any time soon, but then we don’t call the shots… I’ve never actually given thought to what might take shape if we were to stay in a place for 10-20 years, but I’m open to that thought now.

Retic work has kept rolling and its been a very productive year in that regard. There is now enough custom to keep rolling all year round and make a good living out of it. Occasionally I have moments where I wonder ‘what is the point of this?’ because digging holes and burying pipes is hardly inspiring work. But that is part of the point.

The calling to live as a missionary is still the one undergirds all of my life and being an ordinary bloke in an ordinary job is an important part of living that out. Being a ‘paid professional’ does change the frame a fair bit when it comes to Christian mission so I’m happy to figure out what it looks like to be another face in the crowd figuring it out in everyday life. The other thing that keeps me going in retic is that I enjoy being my own boss and the freedom that goes with that. I get to choose my working hours, my jobs and my clients. I doubt I’ll ever be a 9-5er again, or the equivalent.

For many years my various sources of employment were right in my sweet spot when it came to gifts and passions. That’s not so much the case with retic and turf. I really can’t say I ‘love digging holes and burying pipes’… its ok… and some days are better than others, but what I do like is how it frees me to live the kind of life we want to live as a family – one that is spacious, flexible and generous. I can’t imagine ever working for someone else again and having to turn up at the office within set hours.

This year I also completed a restricted electrical license which is my first bit of study for a long time. Five years ago I thought I might do a masters… but no… it was a trade course, one I hope will give me some longevity in the retic field as I am now legally allowed to do some electrical work.

I’ve loved teaching my kids each Monday morning. Creative writing and Phys Ed have been my tasks and both are my loves so it has made it easy.  Its a privilege to be able to sit down and teach your own children and see them enjoy it. Homeschooling has been fun and very beneficial to our kids, but I’m not sure how much longer it will run. Ellie is making noises about going to High School and I doubt Sam would enjoy being home alone. We’ll see… I’m happy for us to roll along as long as Danelle feels confident with it as she is the one who carries the load.

I have noticed plenty of people saying ‘good riddance’ to 2012 and hoping for better in 2013. We have been blessed with a great time in 2012 and I’m hoping 2013 is even better.

There are few things more beautiful than generosity and few things uglier than greed.

If you’ve experienced generosity then you would know how inspiring and life giving it can be, but greed by contrast leaves you discontent and always wanting more.

One of my goals as a parent is to lead my kids towards generosity and to lead them away from greed.

Each holiday period we give our kids some pocket money. There isn’t a set amount. In fact my approach has been to ask them how much they they think they should recieve… I want them to think and discuss what is appropriate. Then I will give them that much or more.

I have two very different kids though. Sam is always going to be happy running lean with $$$ so he reckons anything over $20 is a win. Ellie however likes to ‘push it’ (can’t blame that trait on her mother I’m afraid) so when I ask her to think of a figure she thinks BIG.

‘Well… I’d like $200.00′ she said today.

So I reframe the question because I can see this isn’t working for her.

“So honey, consider,  what would be a fair amount? What would be me being generous and what would be you being greedy?…

We are still talking about it. (We have established that $500 would definitely be greedy…)

The deal is that the kids need to agree on a figure and I need to agree with them.

Up until this year it’s worked well to ask them for an amount. They have asked for fair amounts and I have been able to give them a bit more too.

But this year I can see greed and opportunism starting to bare it’s teeth in Ellie and I know that no matter how much I give her she will not be satisfied (and will only come back next holiday with a stupider amount.) If I give her what she asks for it will be a path to disappointment.

I want my kids to approach money thoughtfully and to recognise the difference between generosity and greed. So I’m curious to see how this one unfolds.

I doubt Sam will struggle significantly with this issue as he gets older, but I’m fairly confident Ellie will, so my take is that they will need different approaches to help then develop healthy attitudes towards money.

My hope for my kids is that both will be able to live very generous, greed free lives, but the challenge will be to help them find a path to that place.

Not sure of what route we will take yet, but such is the fun of parenting…

Some days you realise how wealthy you are and how much you have to be grateful for. The weekend before last was one of those times.

It began Friday morning as I took off down south with Sam, my mate Stu and his son Micah. We were off on an overnight father and son climbing expedition to the Stirling Ranges (not quite realising it was a 6 hour drive from the city). I reckon we might have re-thought it had we known…

However the distance really didn’t matter in the end as we enjoyed the time in the car catching up on conversations and thoughts that we hadnt had time to explore in our shorter times together. In fact it isn’t hard to wile away 6 hours when you are really good friends.

Its a huge blessing to still have a really good mate from teenage years, one who knows me well and with whom I have many common loves. And to see our sons connect and laugh and have fun together was a real blast too. I hope one day we might go back with our sons’ sons and do the trip over, although by my reckoning I could be in my 70’s… Doable… but it might take more than 90 minutes to reach the top.

I came home feeling blessed and very rich to have a friendship of this calibre and depth.

As we drove home I was hoping to go to Anna’s 40th – an ex student and friend, but we arrived in the city a bit too soon and with a tired boy in tow, needed to head back to Yanchep. So I passed on the party. It was a hard call as I knew I’d be walking back into a room of people (most of whom I hadn’t see for 20 years) where there would be some very fond memories and some wonderful opportunites to renew friendships.  I was reminded how blessed I was to make those kinds of connections during my time as a teacher – how good it is that some of my students have become my friends.

On the way home I saw my Mazda Bravo work ute, that I had sold 3 days previous, parked on the median strip on Marmion Avenue. ‘Hey look that’s my old car’ I said to Sam as we scooted on past on our way home. I didn’t for a moment consider that the gearbox might have carked it. The young Scottish couple who had been in Perth for one whole day when they bought my car rang about 30 minutes later to ask if I’d ever had the gearstick get stuck in 5th?… Nope… never…

I felt pretty sorry for them. I hadn’t intentionally sold them a lemon, but it had turned out pretty bad. I voiced some concerns about the whole deal on facebook and within an hour Terry had offered to chip in, then Darryl, then a few others and before 24 hours had passed enough people had committed to help these random strangers so that they were blessed with $1600 and the ability to buy a new gearbox.

Yet again I was giving thanks for friends and the various people God has put in my life who demonstrate love and kindness in these simple acts of compassion. I felt privileged to know these folks/

I was feeling ‘rich’ in so many ways on that Sunday evening and then came an email from one of our church crew saying how much they enjoyed being part of QBC over the last 12 months. It was another huge blessing and had me sitting back in my chair saying ‘wow – how blessed am I?…’

I guess friends are part of life and we can take them for granted, but on that weekend I was reminded from all sides that when we have good friends we are so very very wealthy.

What do you do when you run a business, turn up to do a job and discover it only takes you two minutes?

I charge $65.00 + GST for the first half hour, which is pretty much standard for retic blokes, but it always seems a bit much if its a two minute job and ‘on the way home’.

I don’t mind charging that if people get me to drive a reasonable distance or make a special trip, but last week I had two very small jobs back to back where I’m sure I could have hit the person for the full amount, but I knew that wasn’t fair or reasonable.

Job 1 was a small job for an older couple who call me every year without fail. I had estimated $80.00 over the phone. I wasn’t sure if it really was a ‘small job’, as I’ve heard that before and sometimes it isn’t a small job at all… However she ended up calling half an hour before I was to come to let me know she had lost the cash she was going to pay me. I told her I’d swing by on my way home and fix it for free as she was a regular. I ended up taking 3 minutes to replace a dripper. What would you charge for that anyway?…

Then the next job involved removing a riser and screwing one back in. Five minutes tops.

The process I take with these jobs is to tell people what I usually charge, but then invite them to choose a figure they think its fair. I reckon its a winner because no one ever feels ripped off when they get to choose the amount – and it also appeals to people’s better nature.

She chose $50.00 and we were all happy.

So I reckon that’s the answer. Put the ball back in their court and let them choose a figure they think is fair. So far everyone has been fair to generous in how they have responded. One person even paid me more than was due…

This week we did some work for a family in the local area who have obviously been blessed with money or have managed to earn a hefty slab of it. They live in a beachfront home which occupies the entire block of land it is built on and their backyard is the block next door which they also own.

When I went to do the quote I was greeted by two warm friendly people who gave me a family block of chocolate and a bottle of coke. A little odd I thought, but nice too… I like chocolate… Who doesn’t?…

We got the job and Danelle went down to spray the weeds before bobcat work began. She was given a block of Lindt chocolate and a drink and the kids who were waiting in the car were also given a drink and a bag of snakes.

Maybe they do this for everyone?…

Yesterday when I rolled up to do the job at 7.00am I saw Mark, the truck driver from the turf company on his forklift with a big smile and next to him a block of chocolate and a bottle of coke… Mark has been feeling the pinch lately and not smiling as much so the change was noticeable.

As I met the owner that morning he excused himself for a moment, ducked into the fridge and came out with two blocks of chocolate for Phil and I as well as two cokes… Phil was as bemused as I was initially. Unusual… but nice… I could get used to this… (or I could learn from it)

We set to work and it was a big and fairly difficult job. At morning tea time we were blessed with drinks and biscuits and then at lunch time when another helper had arrived we were each given a ‘Heaven’ ice cream. It evoked some laughter – good laughter – because it was great to be treated and quite a novelty.

We kept working until late in the day – it took an extra couple of hours to complete the work – but it was done with a sense of joy and a desire to really go the extra mile for people who had completely unnecessarily chosen to go the extra mile for us.

I discovered this morning that while I was off doing some work in the rear courtyard the owner of the home had come out to see the two guys working with me and given then $50.00 each because she had never seen young guys work so hard.

You could say ‘They are obviously wealthy and can afford it. So what?’ but that would be missing the point that they have obviously made it a conscious choice to be extremely generous and to bless people with their wealth. I have worked for plenty of wealthy people who have been nowhere near as gracious and kind so its not a function of wealth.

Its a choice to live in a way that is different.

And what it did was change the tone in the environment around them. It brought warmth, joy and happiness. Reality is we are all wealthy compared to someone else and we can all make the choice to be generous and to change the tone around us if we want to.

Again I catch a glimpse of the kingdom of God in everyday life and I am challenged to consider how I bless others in the course of life.

Because I can…

I would be the first to admit I am something of a coffee snob these days. I generally don’t drink coffee when I’m out unless I am going to a dedicated coffee shop where there is some guarantee of quality.

Lately though I’ve drunk a few Maccas coffees, picked up a coffee at a roadhouse on the Great Northern Highway and a few other places that would be generally considered off limits.

So yesterday when Ellie and I went to Sizzler for lunch I decided to give it a shot… The result is what you see above…

An automated machine spewed out the most vile looking and tasting stuff you can imagine. It resembles one of Sam’s science projects!

My tip for people buying coffee machines is stay well away from automated machines and buy a manual one – where you take control over the process. They are cheaper and you will end up producing a much better brew. But if your coffee ever looks like the one above feel free to tip it down the sink and start again…