Holidays…

Posted on December 25, 2006 by Hamo

I had some stuff to say tonight, but we didn’t get back from our Christmas gig until 9.30 and I am stuffed, so it aint gonna happen!

We are off tomorrow to Busselton for a week with 5 other families from the community as well as a family from our Upstream team. It should be a hoot. A whole week of surfing, diving, fishing and hanging out.

So chances are you won’t hear from me for a while!

Thanks to all those who have been regular readers, commentors and lurkers this year. I hope you had a great Christmas and that we continue the journey in 2007.

Now in the interests of maintaining some obscenity on the front page while I am away here is Hamo’s Christmas fart joke:

A man got married and everything was going well for the new couple except that every morning he would let rip with the loudest, most assaulting fart you have ever heard!

His new bride, while deeply in love, just could not bear it and asked him to stop.

‘I have to do it honey. Its just what blokes do… Better out than in’ he would say.

She couldn’t think of any way to stop him so every morning mr bugle bum would fire up and let rip. Some days he was so loud and forceful he would wake the neighbours. Other days he would just scare his new wife.

She began warning him that one day he would fart so hard he would blow his insides out.

‘Yeh right’ he said. You couldn’t fool this guy. He was a smart cookie.

Then one evening as she was preparing the Christmas turkey she had an idea. Bugle bum had gone to bed early so took the innards from the turkey and placed them on the bedsheet next to bum so that he would find them when he woke up in the morning.

Sure enough – next day bugle bum wakes the house with a fart that disturbed the richter scale. His bride was already in the kitchen but is surprised when an ashen faced bugle bum enters.

‘You were right honey! I did have a bit of accident this morning. But its ok now – I got it all back in…’

Anyway – enjoy your breakfast and I will see you when I get back.

8.15 Doorknocking

Posted on November 30, 2006 by Hamo

The Jehovah’s Witnesses came around at 8.15am yesterday.

What the?

How many people want to see anyone at that time of day – let alone religious door knockers

I wanted to invite them in and and show them this

…

Thank God for John Saffran!

Gender of Inanimate Objects

Posted on November 27, 2006 by Hamo

This came in today and I liked it:

You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female.

Here are some examples:

FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again.They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong buttons.

TYRES: Tyres are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their arse

SPONGES: These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGES: Female, because they’re constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.

TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.

EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years, they’ve hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.

THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he’d be lost without it, and while he doesn’t always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying