You know how some cheese smells pretty off?

Maybe this is what you are eating?…

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Just finished watching the final episode of Billy Conolly’s British tour – the one where he drives off naked – not a pretty sight!

The bit I liked was where he said that as a white heterosexual male he is one of the only groups of people that can be ridiculed and persecuted without fear of reprisal.

So true – don’t speak even jokingly incorrectly about women, gay folks, other races etc, but say what you like about us WASPs and we have to cop it.

Seems just a bit hypocritical if you ask me…

If you’re easily offended then click out now because here are Billy’s 13 things he hates about people…

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time….I know where my watch is pal, where the f**k is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say “Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too”. F#$king right! What good is a cake if you can’t eat it?

4. When people say “it’s always the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why the f&*k would you keep looking after you’ve found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film “did you see that?”. No tosser, I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the f*&king floor.

6. People who ask “Can I ask you a question?. Didn’t really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?

7. When something is ‘new and improved!’. Which is it? If it’s new, then there has never been anything before it. If it’s an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say “life is short”. What the f&*k?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever f&*king does!! What can you do that’s longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, “Has the bus come yet?. If the bus came would I be standing here, Knob head?

10. People who say things like ‘My eyes aren’t what they used to be’. So what did they used to be? ears, Wellington boots?

11. When you’re eating something and someone asks ‘Is that nice?’ No it’s really revolting – I always eat stuff I hate.

12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that’s an image I really didn’t need.

13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don’t understand you if you don’t insert the ‘Mc’ before the item you are ordering….. It has to be a McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger gets blank looks. Well I’ll
have a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you f@#king McTosser .

Glad you didn’t click!?

Last week I was out at the local grocery shop and saw an add on the notice board for a boat that sounded too good to be true. (You may be aware that I bought a small dinghy – The Queen Mary – only 3 months ago)

I am always wary of these types of scenarios (too good to be true usually is just that) But I decided to have a look… The guy lived around the corner so it was a quick stop in. I expected to see an aging hulk with faded paint and lots of dings. But I was very surprised at what I saw – an older boat but completely re-done thru out.

We talked and he even dropped his price from $5500 to $5100…

This meant it was $1600 more expensive than the Queen Mary and a hell of a bigger/safer/more versatile boat. Danelle and I talked and after much thought agreed we couldn’t put it in the back yard as it was too much of an eyesore… so we agreed to pass it up.

Until… later that same morning we went to visit friends with a beach house in the same area – a place they only live in for 10 weeks of the year. The short story is they agreed to let us keep it there and we took a risk and bought it.

So its farewell Queen Mary (anyone want to buy a great little dinghy??!!) and hello ‘The Kingswood’. In case you’re wondering why ‘The Kingswood’ its because a classic older Australian car was the Kingswood – not always that pretty, but robust, solid and almost indestructible!

This boat has a Kingswood kind of vibe!

Yep…

Here

Link from Saint

In the late 80’s and early 90’s I entered a few amateur triathlons and bought myself a state of the art racing bike… in state of the art colour… ultra flourescent pink with white trim.

We have made a choice to try and be a one car family this year which means I am currently ponderng the possibility of cycling to the school I will be teaching at on Thursdays and Fridays.

Two things concern me

1. the school is 35 kms away – probably 90 mins at my pace

2. My bike is flourescent pink… what will my students say? Will I make it home without getting beaten up?

Would you ride it?…little miss sunshine dvd download

1. Yesterday I called HP for help on my computer. I spoke to a foreign voice – Indian sounding? After half an hour he had given me some solutions.

They didn’t work so I called back. Again an Indian sounding voice but a woman. She began to talk me thru some possible solutions one of which involved re-booting. As we were waiting for start up she began a conversation with me.

Turns out the reason they sounded Indian is because they are living in India. HP’s 1300 service number transfers you thru to their Bangalore office… We discussed how her Christmas was, the current weather in Bangalore, what she was doing today, and of course I couldn’t resist asking why a Hindu was celebrating Christmas !

Why India of all places?!

After an hour of trial and error software fixes (which I knew wouldn’t work) with these ‘help’ desk people I called the Aussie service centre whose number I got from her and spoke to Bruce.

“Sounds like a sticky keyboard mate – bring er in and we’ll fix er…”

Now that sounds right…

2. Just recieved an email from Danelle – in the family room! “Can you send those pics of Christmas thru?” I decided to put them on disk and actually (physically…bodily…unlazily…) walk the 16 meters to the other end of the house! A few minutes later another email arrives “They aren’t on there”.

This time I emailed… oh dear.

3. I was retelling the Christmas story to Ellie again last night. Often I tell the story and let her fill in the gaps.

I was telling her about the shepherds who saw an … ‘angel’ she crows. Who told them that a little… ‘baby’ she adds, is born – a very special baby and his name is…. ‘plonker’.

I don’t know where she got that from. Glad Jesus has a sense of humour!download cats dogs movie