Facebook…

I don’t have super strong ‘love/hate’ feelings about it. I don’t care if you’re into it, or whether you think its a waste of time. (I am ambivalent about its value – it is a double edged sword.) But it is a phenomena that we need to contend with and it does bring a new dynamic to ‘friendship’, whatever that may mean.

Recently I was ‘unfriended’ by someone who lives in the same area. What does that mean when we see each other in the shops or at a party? Are we ‘friends’ still in real life, even if not in Facebook?

I dunno… Maybe I’ll just ‘poke’ him…

Then there’s the question of establishing parameters for who we ‘friend’ on Facebook. I had a cull recently and deleted about 90 ‘friends’, mostly people I had never met in real life but had found in the online world – people who read this blog or who are friends of friends… Some of them I had already ‘hidden’ but it seemed a little more honest to just delete them. I didn’t tell them…

Should I have?…

I was looking at the list again today and thinking to myself ‘I don’t have 800+ friends!’ I really don’t, but I do ‘know’ that many people and some of them I would like to stay in touch with at least from a distance.

I enjoyed hanging with Andrew Dowsett while he and the family were in Perth. We haven’t seen each other for 9 or 10 years but I’d consider Andrew a friend and someone I’d like to stay connect with. Then there are people who live nearby but who I don’t really know. Nor do I want to stay in contact… Should I hit delete?… ‘Unfriending’ sounds kinda rude… but maybe I don’t want to hear about their life and vice versa.

So what criteria do we use for connecting or ‘de-connecting’?

I have decided that ‘connections’ is a better word than ‘friends’ for the way I operate on Facebook. I do have some very close friends on there, but many are people I just like staying connected with – and with whom I wouldn’t stay in touch were it not for this medium. I think that’s a good thing. Old school students who aren’t friends but for whom I have affection, folks who were in the churches we have led, folks we have met when travelling… Some are ‘friends’, real friends who I’d like to see again and who I enjoy hearing from. Then there are others.

The people I avoid on Facebook are:

Friend Collectors – if a request comes in from someone I don’t know I check to see who our mutual friends are. Often its the ‘big name’ people in Christian world. Then I notice the person has 2453 friends… and I realise I am a number to be added to their collection. Unlikely…

Attention Seekers – those who post those cryptic messages signalling the end of their lives hoping someone will respond. I want to respond with ‘loser – grow up’. A bit harsh I know… but this one really irks me. I recall one ‘friend’ posting about being ‘totally devastated’ and I read the comments to find out what on earth had happened. She had put the colours in with the whites… Deleted.

Rampant narcissists and self promoters – Facebook really does lend itself to narcissism and I reckon we can all fall into this one, but then there are folks who just seem to flaunt who they are in a way that is utterly nauseating. Hard when its people you like… But I’m growing weary of hearing people talk themselves up and talk up who they are associated with. I love hearing what people are doing and I don’t begrudge anyone the opportunity to let us know what’s going on, but there is a ‘cringe’ line somewhere that gets crossed.

But ‘friends’ is a strange word. Its better than ‘followers’ ala Twitter, but maybe Google ‘circles’ is a little more like real life.

Anyway…

All this started when I was looking back over my ‘friend list’ and wondering where to start the cull. Maybe I’l just leave it for now because life is often not as simple as ‘friend / non-friend / ex-friend’ and that’s ok…