I think for a long time, I along with plenty of others have made mission more central than Christ.

While that wasn’t the intent – and wasn’t what was said – it often was the reality. Take a A type, task oriented personality and a world that is increasingly hard to reach with the gospel and you have just hung a red rag in front of a bull.

I’ve reflected recently on some shifts in my relationship with God and this article by Skye Jethani echoes some of what I have been feeling. It was only last week as I met with our church leaders that I was saying a few years ago I felt incredibly passionate to change for the world for God, but didn’t feel so ‘close to God’ in relational terms. These days I feel great warmth in my relationship with God, but I am less motivated to chase down every possible ‘missional opportunity’.

What’s with that hey?…

Some of it is the conditioning that Jethani writes of in his article, some of it is a maturing faith and some of it is a shift in my own personality with a different stage of life.

If you have felt similar then read the article and see what he says. I reckon he’s on the money. I still feel a deep sense of calling to be a missionary/apostle but these days I see it working out differently in how I live. From a distance I would say my life appears somewhat dispassionate and unmotivated – and to some degree I struggle with that because I ‘feel’ different and haven’t completely resolved that its ok to be here.

Yet there is stuff too that can’t be seen and that matters. Stuff being learnt and experienced that is somewhat of new territory but that isn’t so easy to articulate, nor easy for an A Type person to understand.

To be honest I worry about me some days. I worry that I have lost my drive. But I’m also conscious that somethings is happening… something good… maybe better than being Mr Superdriven and articles like this simply give me hope.