As you can imagine there are no real up-sides to having both a son and a brother die within a few months of each other. There is no ‘bright-side’ to look on. But that doesn’t mean good can’t come from tragedy. Perhaps it’s just my annoyingly optimistic nature, but this week we were talking and I was reflecting on what I can see as some positive outcomes of this whole terrible situation. To be clear these aren’t ‘reasons Sam & Steve died’, or me saying I’m glad it happened. Far from it – but if life has to suck then let’s at least take what sucks and try and learn something or do something good with it.

There’s that verse in Romans 8:28 that says; ‘

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

That’s very different from saying God makes all things happen and ultimately works them for good. I see it as letting us know that even in the darkest place God is able to work for good. If you read this verse in the Living Bible it would appear to say something very different:

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

It seems there is some division over how to interpret this verse. With my (now scant) knowledge of ancient Greek I went back to read the verse in it’s original language and in its context and it would seem fair to draw either conclusion based on the language alone. But.,.. it seems abhorrent to me to suggest that God is in the business of manufacturing all sorts of terrible events because ultimately they are part of a bigger plan.

Fact is we never reach conclusion simply on the words. We bring our assumptions and presuppositions to the table. I recognise that I bring the presupposition that God is good – partly based on my experience but mostly based on the description of him throughout scripture. Others seem to bring their assumption of God’s sovereignty being over every detail of life and hence they arrive at the other conclusion.

I understand some people smarter than me sit ok with the ‘sovereignty’ view but it just doesn’t sound like a good God to me.

I can accept that in all things God works for good, but not that he is engineering all things. So with that (much longer than I expected) backdrop here are some things I sense God is working for good in my own life over the last 7 months.

• I am aware of & feel for others in pain much more than I ever did before. In fact I sense that if you look closely (and you want to see) everyone is carrying something. We carry a lost son & brother, but others live with a failed marriage, a severely disabled child, a legacy of abuse… and so it goes on. There are very few people who go thru this life unscathed, but I am not naturally drawn to delve into this more pained side of a person. Nowadays I’m much more willing to recognise, ask genuine questions and then take the time to listen. I’d say my capacity for empathy has at least doubled. (And no snide jokes about 2/10 being better than 1/10 please)

• I have been forced to grapple with key ideas about who God is and what he is like. What is often abstract or theoretical theology is now being activated in ways I never anticipated. The encouraging thing is that it seems some of the things I spouted in the absence of significant pain, still hold true in the midst of it. In some ways I’m surprised at how my theological understanding and experience has withstood this assault and then in other ways I’m just grateful that the ideas and beliefs I have literally bet my life on have come to the fore when needed.

• I have learnt to no longer speak so confidently of the future and my plans. I know more truly that life is fragile and delicate. I have made it to 60 and I’m grateful for that. Previously I had pegged 80 as an age where I may need to ‘ slow down a little’ but that is based on the rather audacious assumption that I will live that long. I feel like I have become much more conscious of my own mortality and the sheer randomness of life. When I hear people say ‘when I retire…’ I find myself saying you might want to reframe that to ‘if I live long enough to retire’. Yeah – it’s a bit of conversation-killer but it’s also reality. I already held the future somewhat tentatively – but this years two deaths have just been a reminder again of the fact that tomorrow is not a guarantee. And that note I keep on my iPhone titled ‘If I die’, has been retitled to ‘when I die’, because there is no ‘if’ about it!

• People can no longer say I lead a charmed life & always land on my feet. It’s true that life has been good for us in so many ways, but the last 40 years have also held dark moments. We tend not to dwell on the hard stuff – partly because it hasn’t been life threatening. I remember losing over $250k in 2009 as we were travelling Australia. Part of managing my anxiety was lying in bed and just saying ‘No one has died. No one is going to die. You have simply lost money.’ It helped. It really did put stuff in perspective. Of course I can’t use that mantra now. I vividly remember being at a conference where another pastor requested prayer for the death of a son. I just remember recoiling in horror at the thought of that happening to anyone. ‘You poor bloke’ I thought. That’s next level intense. I cant imagine facing something like that,’ and then March 24th came around… Those things don’t happen to me… well apparently they do.

• I can and am investing ‘fatherly’ effort into other younger men who are in my life. I currently have time, energy and experience to offer and I see a real need for a fatherly approach to leadership within both our communities and our churches. My hope isn’t to establish any formal structures, systems (or programmes to sell on the internet), but just to have time to tune into the spirit and from there listen to who and where he may point me. There was a lot of time and love allocated to Sam that now I will intentionally seek to allocate elsewhere. I hope that if I do make it to 80, I will be able to look around and see many younger people in whose lives I have been invited to share and invest some of my own. That would make me very happy.

So those are some of the ways life has shifted and reformed for me over this time. It has been bad, terrible, devastating – all those words – but these are some of the lights that shine in the darkness. I actually love John’s description of Jesus in John 1:5

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

I sense this is true in our current darkness. The light still shines and darkness will not have the final word.

Oh – and we now have a puppy called Tahnee who is a Retriever cross Border Collie. She has brought an immense amount of joy into our home. I don’t think she would have come along had Sam still been alive, (he brought enough ‘puppy energy’ for all of us) but she has been a sheer beam of light in herself. I never thought we would own another dog, let alone a puppy, but here we are with no regrets.

And so it begins…