There’s a line in the movie, Jerry Maguire that always intrigued me. One of his friends says, ‘Jerry’s good at friendship but bad at intimacy’. It seems Jerry can’t seem to get close enough to anyone to bare his soul and have a significant relationship.

Recently I was involved in a prayer ministry thing where the person praying for me asked how I would describe my ‘intimacy with Jesus‘. I’ve heard the phrase plenty of times around the place and never given it much thought… until that moment. I think I assumed some level of intimacy, even if I couldn’t articulate what it looked like, but I definitely wasn’t sure of that.

‘Ummm… I don’t really think ‘intimacy’ is a word I would use in how I relate to Jesus.’ I said feeling a little embarrassed by my answer. (I knew the ‘right answer’ was more along the lines of ‘oh yeah we are close – so tight.’)

But intimacy almost feels like a mis-categorisation to me when it comes to speaking of how I relate to Jesus. Perhaps it’s because I’m more thinker than feeler, but I just can’t see ‘intimate’ as the right word. And it’s not that it has sexual connotations. I don’t feel like I’m constrained by that kind of imagination – it’s more that the word just doesn’t gel for me.

What I can do is honest, authentic and genuine – raw even, which for me are words that equate to a very significant and close relationship. Does that sound like intimacy to you? 

They aren’t cozy, snuggly kinds of words which is more the tone I feel intimate takes. It’s not that I’m opposed to hugs and personal contact (to be fair I’m usually a ‘reciprocal hugger’ unless it’s been a while, or I really like you) but that just isn’t the tone of my relationship to Jesus.

If I imagine a conversation with Jesus it’s usually sitting on the hill down at the beach after work and watching the sun go down on a glassy ocean while we share a drink, a laugh and a check in. That might be a 5 minute convo or it could take an hour depending on what’s going on. Is that intimacy or just friendship?

Interestingly I find that in prayer I relate more consciously to the ‘father’ another word that can be loaded depending on your experience. Somehow ‘Father’ works for me. I can picture a good father who wants the best for his kids – a father who wants to be in on the details of their lives.

Perhaps some would call that intimate. I’d say it is personal – close and unfettered. But again ‘intimate’ just doesn’t gel. When I look for intimacy in the Bible I guess you could say it’s there in the Psalms as David opens his heart to God and that there is a degree of intimacy between Jesus and his crew or is it simple honesty and authenticity? I can identify with both Psalms and Jesus relationships with his disciples, but I just haven’t thought of them as ‘intimate’.

Again words like raw, unfiltered and authentic come to mind to describe how many of the Psalms are and how some of Jesus’ ways of relating are.

So maybe it’s a quibble over words or maybe it’s a blind spot for me. Since that time of prayer ministry I have taken a few weeks to ponder, journal and reflect on the idea of intimacy with Jesus, but I’m not feeling any light bulb moments penetrating the ether. 

All I can come up with is the idea that I can do authenticity well – and I think that fosters a good relationship – but I don’t really know how to go about intimacy.

What about you?

Is intimacy a thing in your relationship with Jesus? If so what shape does it take?

Is it important to relate in this way and if so what does it look and how does it differ from raw, authentic and unfiltered?

After-thought – Maybe intimacy is for the Myers Briggs ‘feelers’ and authenticity is for the ‘thinkers’?…

Maybe you have also pondered this word in relation to Jesus and wondered just what on earth it means. If you have some answers then let me in on them.