Some days suburban transience really does give me the irrits.
We have been gone 6 months and on Saturday we arrived back in our street and caught up with friends and neighbours and the church community we will be leading. It was beautiful to see those people again and yet what strikes me this morning is just how much has changed in just 6 months.
While we were gone a family who were amongst our closest friends and who lived nearby left – for Spain – not to return. We didn’t know they were going when we left, but we discovered it on the trip. That made us sad, the girls especially who were very close. Good friends would not be there when we got home. While we didn’t feel their loss so much on holidays, I imagine we will now that we are home.
Two other close friends from Upstream have also decided to move on – interstate – not to return – friends we love dearly and will miss greatly from our lives and our Christian community. They won’t be replaced overnight and we feel that too. We have been friends for 25 years and those relationships are like gold.
And then there’s our street… Since we’ve been gone 4 houses have sold and yesterday we discovered that the last of our original neighbours is selling and leaving. In a street of 12 houses we have now seen over 30 families come and go in the 6 years we have been here. We have some great neighbours and we all get on well, but I sometimes wonder how long they
will be around… and I suspect they may wonder the same about us.
As we wandered into church yesterday and sat quietly towards the back, we recognised many familiar faces, but were also curious to see plenty of new faces. I imagine there will be many more new faces in the year ahead as people move house and go church shopping (blech).
I don’t have any great insights on this, except to say that at times it erodes my own sense of permanence and commitment to the area, as the hope of longer term significant relationships seems quite remote – but maybe I was foolish to ever imagine that as a possibility?
And then at other times it strengthens my resolve to hang in and be some semblance of permanence and dependability in a shifting world.
Some days it just gives me the shifts…
I find this interesting as I too, have had the experience of disappointment when a good neighbour moves away. Although not logical, for me it is a feeling of betrayal, as though somehow their moving is a reflection on us as neighbours. In my mind their reason for moving is not good enough. The ironic thing is that we recently moved out of out street of 10 years after an opportunity for an ocean view presented itself. And I can honestly say I did not think twice about leaving our good neighbours as the excitement of the new dwelling over took me. So I totally relate to your post, Andrew, but once again find it ironic that it is written by a person who claims “I love change and I’d move every year if I could” 🙂
This has application to a church pastor.
I think we have in the past highly undervalued the value of perseverence.
I strongly believe that there should be fruit in ministry….but the value of just plain sticking it out….is something which I feel we have not fully understood the value of.
If indeed a Pastor is more than just a ‘hired hand’ but someone who travels with the church, has deep relationships with them…you should take very seriously the ‘divorce’ of a pastor from their church…for whatever reason.
Ah…
Got me there Rhonda 🙂
I think that’s sometimes why I do find it hard – because we have felt compelled to stay in one place and not free to move.
A few years ago we rejected the idea of moving across closer to the ocean to stay in Brighton, but these days I less sure if that is such a valid motivator.
Like you I am a big sucker for an ocean view… 🙂
I think that’s part (but only part) of the reason I haven’t really bothered to get to know my neighbours. There probably has been more permanence than that, but not a whole lot. That said, I’ve built friendships in the community that I value. Ellenbrook is a little different, perhaps, almost like a country town in some ways (at least superficially). But in the end, you’re right, it sucks when relationships end. I don’t think it’s confined to the burbs, either.
This is a big issue for me. I sometimes even feel an edge of self-righteous anger, “I have committed to this stability thing, and so should you!”
But in all seriousness. I actually think one of the things we can do that is counter cultural is stay put when it comes to suburbia. I chatted with our next door neighbours a few years ago when they wanted to move house for investment sake about the value of community and what we have here. They stayed. Not that it was all about that conversation, but he said it was an influence…they said yesterday that they are moving now 🙁 But we say we are committed here for at least 12 years. I want to believe that is true…I really do…I think it’s important, but then when everyone else moves, who gives a rats about stability, does anybody notice if they are all moving in and out? hmmm
Having read your post today, hearing of stories about boat people (refugees) and watching Jamie Oliver seek out other cultures in New York (for the sake of food/community) I began to think that in all of us is an ingrained sense for something better in terms of security, satisfaction and solidarity.
Refugees seek safety and will do almost anything to get the better life ($15000AUD to be smuggled into Australia). Westerners want better for the sake of better (lower interest rates, bigger bedrooms, double lock up garages)so they upgrade. Gen Y’s want their parents joint, with all the trimmings, without the labour. Couples want to get off the renting treadmill and get a house of their own. Families want more room to move as the kids grow up. Retirees want to downsize due to maintenance issues. Often people move for the better career (which entails a better house etc).
In a recent discussion with a real estate agent/property investor I was told that now, with interest rates low and the economy slow, is the time to move up to the bigger house. The gap between the classes is narrow and the time to move is now.
In relation to this world John Butler proves right, “The grass is greener on the other side, but just as hard to mow”. Recent research shows that 30-40% of Perth residents have moved house in the last 5 years. In fact, I have lived in at least 15 different houses over the last 28 years.
We all want a better place to live. You could liken it to ‘people of faith’ in Hebrews 11; or the aliens & strangers that Peter refers to, or the diaspora in James.
i used to think it matters but I’m not sure anymore. Regarding relationships, it’s becoming more about connection than proximity.
People can live in the same street for 20 years and still be strangers and people can live on the opposite side of the worlds and be best friends. While working and playing close to home has a lot to do with keeping life simple, it certainly doesn’t guarantee depth of relationship by any stretch of the imagination – in fact, it even has the potential to lead to familiarity, which of course can quickly lead to contempt.
So… to stay or not to stay? Maybe simply be present where ever you find yourself.
Hi mate
Welcome back. Loved the trip and it only cost me “nuthin”!
Glad you decided to come back West, I had my doubts!
it’s post like this that keep me returning to your blog hamo, your honest reflection on life and mission today. thanks.
i preached last week on benedictine (monastic) spirituality and what we might learn from that for today. (up online on video if anyone’s interested – http://tinyurl.com/yfxntso). one thing that struck me was that the rule of benedict includes stability – both in place and in regular disciplines. and that is a challenge today, as you alude.
thanks – and welcome home. as someone who’s done both the planting and the working within established seeking to plant, my prayers are with you as you transition,
steve
http://www.emergentkiwi.org.nz
http://www.emer