What does it mean to be ‘unequally yoked’?
Historically this term has been used to disallow Christians either marrying or forming significant partnerships (eg business) with non-Christians. I have always seen this as a fairly stock standard evangelical idea in regard to marriage. I would hold it less tightly in regard to business partnerships and other relationships.
However the other day I met someone who asked a question that has me pondering…
After a marriage to a Christian that ended badly, this person would now seriously consider marrying a person who is not a Christian, but does have some genuine sympathy for who Jesus is and who is living a life that resembles Jesus’.
This person would say that in their first marriage they actually were unequally yoked despite the partner being a professing Christian. The partner did not live a life that took the teachings of Jesus seriously and actually lived contrary to scripture in many ways.
The person would argue that they would be more ‘equally yoked’ with a Jesus-like non-Christian than with a non-Jesus-like ‘Christian’ (and we all know there are plenty of them around!) It would be better to be married to a muslim who lives like Jesus or a buddhist who embraces Jesus teachings than a Christian who doesn’t…
What do you think?
I won’t give any details on the person’s situation as I want to protect their identity, but I’m interested in your opinion. I will say that I have no doubt as to the integrity of the person’s faith or to their commitment to living in the way of Jesus.
So…Is it always ‘wrong’ for a real deal, Jesus following, ‘card carrying’ Christian to marry a person who lives like Jesus, but would definitely not regard themselves as a Christian?
And… Can you be unequally yoked with a Christian?…
Here is the relevant passage from 2 Cor 6
14Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 15What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? 16What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: “I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.”
17″Therefore come out from them and be separate, says the Lord.
Touch no unclean thing,and I will receive you.”
18″I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.”
We buggered it up plenty in the past by insisting that Christians ‘come out and be separate’ from the world and creating Christian sub-cultures rather than being integrated in the world. Is this concept also a mistake that we should throw out?…
Let alone presuming that ‘unbeliever’ must naturally equates with ‘evil’.
“For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: “I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.”
Now I guess when you look at that passage in the context of the time in which it was written Christianity was still a small and minor religion with a set of moral values that differed to some extent from the religions that dominated the Roman empire.
Our society today has many moral and ethical elements that are derived from Christianity and are therefore consistent with it. Over the last 2000 years we have seen the rise of Islam, a religion that has some parallels with both Christianity and Judaism and we have also recognised that philosophies such as Buddhism are not necessarily antithical to Christian beliefs.
If that passage were being written today would it reflect on the difference between believers and unbelievers in quite the same way – or would it focus on those who attempt to oppose and destroy the faithful? Or perhaps decry those who steal and despoil the earth, destroying God’s creation while proclaiming that they follow his will?
This is truely a tough one. When the words “unequally yoked” were written Christian’s were very comitted to the point of death.
Today it is possible to grow up in a Christian home, know all the right words but live some else out.
What I think this says is that we have to be very prayerful in who we pick as our wife or husband. There is no easy answer here.
We used to talk about this in youth group quite a lot. The principle I ended up articulating is that you shouldn’t be in a relationship which will pull you off-course.
I always presumed that would preclude marrying a non-Christian; now I think that passage alone doesn’t nail it but I think the Bible generally points in that direction (Neh 13, 1Co 7). Of course there are people who seem to be on board with Jesus to some degree even if they reject the ‘Christian’ label.
I have a “missionary relationship” in my heritage. My grandparents were sort-of-going-out for a while. Grandma made it clear that God came first for her, and as Grandad put it, she was “more intersted in coaxing my nominal Anglicanism into a living faith”.
Yeah…
I’m not sure 2 Cor 6 is the best of ground to stand on when presenting an argument for why we should marry other followers of Jesus.
I would be more going the common sense route – if faith is the central undergirding fabric of our lives then it makes sense to find someone who shares that.
To answer Grendel’s question re how the passage would read today, I am not quite sure… will think on it!
It just goes to show you that just because somebody says something doesn’t mean they believe it, and just because somebody believes something doesn’t mean they’ll say it! I think this is something we’re all fast discovering in today’s crazy postmodernness and it’s a bit of a shock after the last age when everything was so cut-and-dry simple. Complexity is the name of the game.
And so when it comes to all this, you have to start looking for evidence of who the person really is, and I’d wager that comes in form of actions. Watch the person; what makes them angry? How do they interact with others when under stress? Who are their friends? What sort of relationship do they have with siblings and parents?
It also makes me wonder … will anyone ever be truely “equally” yoked? I mean, we’re all different right? Do you think that the author is saying something like “too unequally” yoked?
I can’t believe that as yet no one has made the obvious pun. . .
ummm…
is it that obvious?!
sigh – you’re yoking right?
echh…
never been much for puns!
I’ve known people who got married and then one of the couple has drifted/fallen/run away from Christ causing much pain and confusion and in some instances divorce.
Because of these sorts of examples I’ve had other friends not be focussed on marrying Christians because of the possibility of this happening.
Like Scott says, “there are no guarantees.”
Can’t we just accept what God says? Doesn’t He mean what He says and says what He means? It’s not too difficult to figure out. If we compare scripture with scripture, we will find in I Cor. 5 vs. 9-13, that God (through Paul) was giving some common sense advice to the Corinthians and to us. God’s word is always current.